A True Loves Journey
by Anniebellpink
Summary: What happens when the perfect plan goes wrong?  What happens when the one you love is no longer?  This is a story of love, loss, healing and finding the truest love!
1. Chapter 1

**I am NOT Stephenie Meyer…..I wish I was but…Yeah *sighs heavily*….I do not own these characters as they are owned by Stephenie Meyer!**

**This is a Twilight Fanfic with a twist. What happens if you find yourself without the one you love? What if a family is torn apart? Will you ever be able to be happy again? What happens if you find yourself falling for the last person you thought you would? This is a Carlisle/Bella story of pain, loss and love!**

**Bella's POV**

Playing the moment over and over again in my head still wasn't helping make it any clearer…or any less painful…

_We were so prepared… or so I thought…._

_The newborns were coming…..we weren't completely sure who had created them but we knew that it was meant strictly for us…..for…..ME._

_I had made my precautions in guilting Edward into staying with me throughout the fight…he of course said it was no big deal …but I knew it hurt him to be away from his family during this horid event. _

_Everything that had occurred today has been horrible and hurtful…whether it was my guilting Edward into staying with me or my kissing Jacob…true it was only to keep him safe as he had said he was going to sacrfice himself during the fight ,which apparently was a rouse to get me to *ask* him to kiss me, but either way Edward..my personal miracle…was next to me, holding me, loving me completely. I knew I never deserved him but I was beyond the realms of happy that he was with me…..forever. The best part of this is the fact that I knew that in a short time I would have him with me..in my arms forever as we were to be married and, keeping his end of the bargin, I would be able to give him myself completely as he would be giving me himself..then…oh then he would change me and we could begin our eternities together._

_Just then Edward stiffened, his eyes shifted quickly to the left and he stared at the beautiful yet somewhat small wolf..Seth….he growled which had my hairs standing on end and yelled for the wolf child to leave immediately. Looking up to see what him upset I noticed that his eyes were the fiercest shade of black I had ever seen them. That's when I felt myself being shoved behind him, when I tried to protest he growled that she was close. In the moment I realized he had said….SHE….I completely froze over with fear….. But not for myself…but for my love! She wasn't alone tho as I saw the ,barely a man, known as Riley enter the clearing of our little campsite…I instantly recognized him as the missing person from all the posters posted around town. Edward growled at him and then quickly gazed to Riley's right and upward at the same time my eyes fixed upon the shot of red flaring hair in the trees….it was Victoria! Just then the newborn, formely known as Riley, crouched and began to step towards Edward, Edward began to talk to Riley, attempting to tell him the truth, but I could not focus on this as my eyes never left the sight of Victoria's horrible face. Just then I heard a growl that did not belong to any vampire…it was Seth… he had returned and grabbed Riley. As they fought it seemed Victoria had given up and started to retreat, however Edward was not going to let her get away this time, he gloated her to attack him or me, he made her so furious she turned and attacked with a blind fury….her mistake. After that I don't perfectly recall everything as my eyes and mind were full of the terror of watching my love being attacked, possibly even killed. I picked up a stone at one point and cut myself, and then it was over. Or so I thought….._

_We were in a hurry to get back to the clearing that was once a baseball field for the Cullens, as Edward had said that the Volturi has sent out some of their "soldiers" to take care of the newborn army issue, something he obviously didn't think was their actual reasoning behind being here. Edward had sent Seth away informing him to run directly home and to not look back…something that Seth did reluctantly._

_That's when it happened…that's when the end of my life…of my reason for living happened. Out of literally nowhere we were surrounded by them…..Jane, Alec, Felix and Demetri. _

_Edward instantly grabbed me and shoved me behind him taking a very defensive crouch, "I will not stand for this" Edward growled. "Whatever Aro's original reason for sending you here obviously isn't on your personal agenda anymore… Jane" Edward said evily staring at the little tyrant. Her smile seemed to widen at this and suddenly Edward was pinned to the ground screaming in agony, his eyes never leaving mine, it was as if he was apologizing to me, but why? I screamed for her to stop, "Stop….Stop…your killing him please I beg of you STOP….. Take me…kill me…do whatever you want just please stop" I cried. At this Edward relaxed and the little evil bitches eyes were hard on mine….Edward growled and lept up in front of me. _

_Then he attacked. I heard the horrible sound of metal screeching and a thud..I opened my eyes to see that Edward had taken the arm off of her little brother, Alec layed on the ground screaming out in agony, Jane seemed to respond instantly as Edward hit the ground and began to thrash and scream. Suddenly I heard the most gentle voice from behind me "No…No….not my SON!" it was Esme ….I turned in time to see her crouch and disappear….I realized she had lept over me and attacked the little bitch herself. She truly loved her family and would not stand to see them hurt, she was so small and fragile looking even for a vampire but she was fighting for her most treasured thing…her family. Edward was back up and attacking the others single handily as they had made their approach on me, it was then that I heard the single most horrible scream…it was Carlisle, Rose, Emmitt, Alice and Jasper and in turning to see what it was they were staring at I noticed that Esme's beautiful and fragile body lay on the ground, only thing was…her head layed a good five feet away from the rest of her and Felix was towering over her laughing. I growled instantly as I realized that the scream I had heard was made from there unbeating hearts as they realized there mother, and in Carlisle's case his wife, was dead. Tears were streaming hard and unstopping down my face._

_The growls and screeching seemed to not let up for what seemed to be an eternity, however it was only moments later that I realized that the group of four horrible Volturi "soldiers" were retreating. I blinked the tears out of my eyes to see the family standing over a mass, I stumbled forward to them wanting nothing more then to have Edward wrap his arms tightly around me and hold me in his cold yet ever warming embrace letting me cry into his chest, that's when I noticed that it wasn't just a single mass that the family stood over. _

_I stumbled even further forward still unable to see clearly as the tears were still streaming unrelenting down my feverishly hot cheeks, I noticed that the family that stood there, rod still and straight, looked wrong…incomplete….it was then that I realized that there was only five of them standing there….five?…..only five?_

_Once I reached them I wiped the tears away long enough to see that not only did Esme's gorgeous head lay completely detached from the rest of her on the ground but so did….OMG..it couldn't be…..NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO… _

That's when it all went black for me…..

**Carlisle's POV**

_How could this of happened? It went all according to plan. The newborns came at us just as Alice had said they would, the wolves were our most valuable allies, they fought valiantly by our side. With them this fight was easily won…or so we thought…_

"Carlisle…" Alice said suddenly looking away into nothing. "Get the wolves out of here….It seems our fight is not yet done for the day."

"What?…. What do you see Alice?" I asked as I placed my hand on her shoulder.

"The Volturi apparently sent some of their," She wrinkled her nose as she spoke the next word. "soldiers"

_I quickly dispatched the wolves explaining that they were to go home immediately and not look back…they reluctantly did, as I had promised to explain it all to them later. I also informed them to not make any attempts to attack another vampire that they happened upon the scent of, as this was not a fight they could win. With a growl Sam looked back upon his pack and barked his orders and they all quickly turned and ran._

"Alice?" I asked. "When and where?"

"I don't know exactly Carlisle, I can't honestly see that." She said looking pained.

_Just then I heard the most heart breaking sound, it was Bella, she was begging for someone to stop, to kill her and not…him!_

_Just then Esme took off into the forest in a blindly fast hurry to find out what happened to make Bella scream like that. I was foolish and stood frozen for a few seconds before deciding to follow…THAT was my most horrible failure in judgement as it led to the death of my soul, my heart…._

_I followed the horrible sounds of screeching, screaming, growling, and keening only to arrive too late. There she was, her beautiful face, looking peaceful, lying on the ground…only it was no longer attached to the rest of her…my wife…my eternal mate! She was gone..NO …how could this be? I heard the desperate, tearless sobs, screaming out of myself and my family, filling the air. It was then that I saw Edward…my son..the one I truly thought of as my son…if I had the possibility of having children then he…Edward would be what I would want out of my child, fighting off the largest of the group alone. _

_Just then I noticed Jane glare at him and he was pinned to the ground again, writhing in obvious agony, crouching I prepared to attack. But it was too late as Edward's beautiful head was being torn from the rest of him from the three others….I noticed that his eyes never left from Bella…..as the last fibers of his head was torn from him he looked hard at me…into my eyes…begging me… I knew instantly what he wanted….."Protect her Carlisle….She is my life, my love, my soul…..Love her and care for as I would have" and with that he was gone…and with him was my last shred of life._

_We attacked them then and realizing that they were severly wounded and outnumbered they retreated quickly, and even though I wanted to follow them and kill them, I couldn't leave the sides of my wife and my son. _

_I stood there and just stared. How could this of happened? It was only a few hours earlier that Alice bounced into the house smiling ear to ear chirping…._

"Guess what guys?" Alice chirped as she entered the kitchen.

"What?" Esme asked.

"Bella and Edward are gonna get married!" She all but screamed at us in excitement.

Stiffling a giggle I said "And let me guess you're gonna get to plan the whole thing?"

"Yup!" She grinned. "Bella will give me a little trouble at first, but as she knows I always know best, she will give in."

Noticing her little pixie face light up I couldn't stop myself from laughing as Emmett said.

"Poor Bella, she has yet to learn that Alice always gets her way."

" Oh, she's learning that quite well actually." Jasper said laughing.

We all laughed.

_That's when I remembered. Bella?…..Where was Bella? Just then she stumbled next to me and she started to wipe away the tears that filled her eyes. She looked at my agonized face for a moment seeming to appologize silently before she looked down and…then she was gone….she fell….I caught her in my arms and held her tightly to me as I knew what she had just seen…Edward lying on the ground..headless….dead…_

"Bella?" I screamed at her shaking her gently. "Bella? Bella can you hear me? Bella dear wake up."

"Oh Carlisle" Rosealie sobbed. "How did this happen? I mean how could this of happened? We won. This isn't right. Our family isn't supposed to ever be torn apart. I don't understand this."

"Neither do I Rose….neither do I." I said.

"We need to get Bella back to the house Carlisle, she's not going to be wakeing up anytime soon and its getting cold." Alice said quietly.

_This hit me hard as Alice never said anything that quietly and softly. Oh god what am I to do now?_

"Carlisle?" Jasper said shaking me out of my own head. "Carlisle? You need to get Bella back to the house now, me and Emmett will handle this."

"Handle this?" Emmett suddenly asked. "How do we handle this? Carlisle?"

"I…I just don't honestly know." I answered him.

"Don't worry about that right now Carlisle. Just get Bella out of here and warm in our home." Rosealie said.

_It was in that instant that I realized that Rosealie cared about Bella…it shocked me for a moment before I realized that you just couldn't hate someone who had made your family happy, complete and most importantly, even though she and Edward always fought over the smallest things, she loved him and therefore anything or anyone who made him happy and loved him was someone she also loved._

Nodding I said "Yes….yes I'll take her home. I'll see you all there later."

_With a final glance I looked down upon my now shattered family and realized that as the "father" I would have to strive to figure out how to fix this, make my family happy again. But how does one fix something like this? How could I make them happy again? I looked down at the lifeless form in my arms and instantly thought of only her. I had to make good on my promise. My final unspoken promise to my son. I had to take care of this precious angel that I now held in my arms. With that I took off to my home….my empty space that I felt the terror of knowing would never be home again…..or could it?….._

"Bella? Bella dear please wake up." I called to her as I layed her down onto the couch in the family room.

_Huh. Family room? Not anymore it wasn't. With that thought I broke down into myself with the sobs of anger, anguish, despair, sadness, and hopelessness that I felt. I craved the tears that I knew would never come to stream down my cheeks._

Just then Bella began to stir…

"Bella?" I said as I was pulled instantly out of my self loathing. "Bella dear can you hear me?"

"Edward?" She mumbled, looking upward blinking. "Edward where are you? You promised to stay with me. You said you'd never leave me again."

"Bella? Bella dear please." I said as I could not contain the pain in my voice. " Bella please wake up. Your safe. Your in my home. Your safe. Just as I promised Edward. I will keep you safe."

_I took her into my arms and gently pressed her limp body into my chest only to hear her broken heart release the sobs of anguish that her body could no longer contain._

"Carlisle?" She said looking up into my eyes. "Carlisle? Is it true? Did I really see what I think I saw?"

_How do I answer this? I cant lie to her. But I could barely handle my emotions at this moment. I cant stand the thought of hurting her. If I had a beating heart it would have stopped with the way she was staring directly into my eyes at this very moment. So broken. I cant stop staring back into her deep chocolate eyes. Its as if she is melting me with the way they are boring deep into my soul._

_Just then I realized she was calling my name again._

"Carlisle? Carlisle? Carlisle?" She repeated. "Carlisle? Did I really see what I thought I saw? Please tell me I was having a nightmare. Please god, Carlisle, please tell me I had a horrible nightmare and that Edward and Esme are out hunting and you're just babysitting me. Please Carlisle tell me that is what is happening. Tell me Edward will be back in the morning. That I will be back in his arms in no time."

_I shuttered as she said this as it was my own personal nightmare, and when she spoke their names I felt myself break completely. I didn't have any idea what my life would entail now. But I knew one thing for sure I would make good on my silent promise to my beloved son. I would protect this beautiful angel in my arms. I would keep her safe. I would make sure she was happy again. Even though I truly didn't know how I could seeing as how I didn't know how I would ever be happy again. But I had to do it. I would keep my family together and happy one way or another. That is how Esme would have wanted it. Bella was family, and so I would do everything in my power to make her happy and safe. Thats when I knew that next thing I said to her would break her heart completely, if not shatter her soul, I had to tell her. I tightened my grip on her, pulling her closer to my chest as I said…_

"No. No Bella dear it wasn't a nightmare dear. You truly did see what you thought you saw. It feels like a nightmare though. But no my angel…..Edward will not be holding you in the morning."

_Oh god! Her heart! Her heart? Has it stopped beating? No….wait there it is….. Its sooo soft and its slowing….GOD I think I just literally heard it break. What do I do now?_

_Just then she looked up at me. Tears streaming hard down her face. Her deep eyes now looked shallow. If not for the fact that I could hear its quiet slow beats I would believe her heart had stopped completely and she was also gone. She began to mumble to me…_

" That means….Esme!" She gasped. "Oh Carlisle, I'm so sorry. It's all my fault! If it wasn't for me." she swallowed loudly. " if it wasn't for me then they would be here…..Esme would be here… in your arms…Oh god Carlisle I'm sooo sorry."

_With that she looked down._

"No. Oh god NO Bella. It's not your fault. Please don't ever think that." I pleaded. "Edward loved you and he died loving you, and Esme, she loved her family. She died doing what she would always do, protecting her family." I cradled her tighter to my chest and whispered into her ear. "Oh god please Bella never ever think or say your at fault for this…for this horrible day. I beg of you please Bella…..Don't."

_With that she looked up at me once more before she went limp in my arms again._

**Ok all I hope you like this so far! Its my first twilight with a twist fanfic! There is a lot more chapters to come! **

**Reviews are just like 6 cups of coffee….their tastey and perk you right on up! \o/ \o/ \o/**

**a/n ok I know that in order to fully kill a vamp in the actualy series..you have to burn them as well….but im sorry I just couldn't burn Edward or Esme…hence why I said it's a twilight with a twist fanfic! And normally im all team Edward but if something were to have happened to him…who better then Carlisle!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I do Not own these characters…..I wish I did…But they are owned by the amazing Stephenie Meyer!**

**Carlisle's POV**

_With that she looked up at me once more before she went limp in my arms again._

_I decided to take this time to mend her arm. The bleeding had stopped already but she needed some stitches. I placed her down gently and ran upstairs to my study, I got my emergency bag and raced back down. I gave her a shot of morphine, a very small doseage as I knew she was already pretty much completely out and wouldn't feel anything, but I didn't want to chance her wakeing up in pain….well anymore pain then she was already in. I cleaned the area and quickly put 8 stitches in the small but very deep slice in her arm. How did this happen? I couldn't help my curiosity. I'd have to ask her one day. With a deep sigh I raced back upstairs to burn the remnants of my procedere, making sure to not leave any of her powerful blood scent anywhere. _

_As I watched the flame quickly catch and engulf the bloody instruments. I became instantly lost in my thoughts of how this day had gone so very wrong. Staring at the flames flare and then disapate I began to realize that I myself was lost, I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how I was going to handle this. How would I help my family through this horror, if me myself couldn't begin to imagine this getting better, there was no way that the pain of this day would ever end._

_It was then that I heard a weak cry from downstairs. I raced back down to find Bella having an actual nightmare. She was whimpering. Crying in her sleep. She was repeating Edward and Esmes names. Oh god how I wish I could take this nightmare away from her. Away from everyone in my family. I quickly took her back into my arms. _

"Bella?" I nearly shouted at her shaking her gently . "Bella Please wake up dear."

_She thrashed around in my arms and began screaming. It was a blood curdling scream. It was heart wrenching to watch. I tried in vain to rise her from her horrible nightmare. But to not avail. I knew that if I was successful in awaking her she'd only be waking up from one nightmare to another._

"Bella dear, please it's ok. I'm here. I wont ever leave you. Do you hear me? I will keep you safe. I will protect you. Always. I made a promise to Edward. I will keep that promise. Bella dear please wake up. I will keep you safe from everything. Your nightmares included. Oh how I wish I could save you from the one your going through right now." I said as I cradled her close to my chest, rolling her slightly into me. "Oh Bella I will protect you from now on please just wake up."

Just then Alice came through the door followed by Jasper, Emmett, and Rosealie.

"Carlisle." She began. "Just let her rest. Her mind has had one hell of a beating let alone her heart. I'd tell you that you also need to rest however I know that you can't."

" I suppose your right Alice, as always." I half heartedly smiled at her. " I should let her rest. I just can't stand the thought of how much pain she will be in now."

" What about you Carlisle?" Rose asked. "What about your pain?"

"Yes Rose. I'm in pain." I felt my face fall as I admitted this. "But I cannot leave her, Edward would want me to hold her and make sure she's ok. And so would Esme."

"Why don't you let me watch her for awhile Carlisle?" Rose asked.

"No Rose. I need to be here. I need to be the one she wakes up to." I said as I stared at her beautiful face.

"It's probably for the best that Carlisle is the one that she wakes up to Rose." Emmett said as he saw the Rosealie was about to protest.

_With a sigh they all sat down across from me in the now empty feeling family room. Usually this room was full of laughter and smiling faces, especially since Edward had found Bella. His laughter the most appealing and pleasant of us all. I shuddered as I realized that I'd never again hear his laughter or see his smile. I'd never again hear the little sigh of sheer happiness and content that came from Esme as she would watch her son's face light up. For so long he never smiled, not really smiled, nor did he laugh those deep meaningful laughs, his eyes never lit up till he had found her. Looking down onto her peaceful face I knew why his eyes lit up the mere mention of her name. She was very beautiful, but so much more then that, she was innocent , sweet, loving, caring, understanding, and brilliant. I felt in that moment that I myself was staring at the face of an actual angel, and in that moment I felt as if my heart swelled. I knew I was being foolish as with my being a vampire my heart laid cold and unmoving inside of my chest, but still it felt like it had actually warmed and swelled. Just then I noticed Alice had gone stiff and looked off into nowhere._

"What is it Alice?" Jasper asked.

"Oh, well I just saw that the police will buy the story and scene." She said with a depth of dispair that nearly had me melting into a puddle of nothing.

"The scene? The story?" I questioned.

_It was Emmett who answered me._

"Well, we had to do something with them." I could see the struggle he had with the thought of saying their names. "Edward and Esme I mean. So we made it look like they were in a really bad accident and that they had been….been….."

"No need Emmett I understand now." I said giving him and myself the relief of not having to hear it said outloud.

"The police will be here in about a half of an hour." She looked dead at me. "Chief Swan will be the one who comes here Carlisle, as he will take it very personal, also he wants to make sure that Bella wasn't in the car. Seeing how she was staying the night for a "sleepover" with me alone tonight he will be panicking. I'm gonna tell him that she wasn't feeling well after dinner and that I had called Esme and Edward to come back from camping to help me take care of her. I will of course tell him that Bella refused to go to the hospital. He will agree cause he knows how Bella is. At that time it will be in the best interest to have only me and Bella here."

_I can't leave her here alone. I have to stay. What if she wakes up while I'm hiding? I know Alice will take care of her, but I just can't leave her. Not after I promised her I wouldn't._

" Alice?" I said. "I can't just leave her here. If she wakes up she will be very upset and I promised her that I would stay here with her."

"I know Carlisle, but you have to do it otherwise the story will not work. I'm sorry. But she is more then safe here with me." Alice said.

" I know she is safe here with you Alice I never meant to imply…."

_She waved her hand to dismiss what I was about to say and I knew she was right. I had to keep up with the story. But how do you leave the grace of an angel once it has touched your heart and soul? _

"Carlisle? Alice? Is that you?" Bella suddenly said.

_It felt as if my heart lept in my chest at the sound of her angelic voice. _

"Yes Bella we're here." Alice soothed coming to sit next to us. " How are you feeling Bella?"

"I'm feeling…..I'm feeling…..Oh Alice I don't know what I'm feeling….. It hurts…..its hurts sooo bad." Bella said as the steady streams of tears raced down her cheeks began again.

_I instantly had my guard up._

" What hurts Bella my dear?" I asked in a rush looking over her fragile body.

_She then clutched her hand to her chest and looked back over to me. Staring straight into my eyes, melting me with her pain and anguish. I wanted nothing more then to take all of her pain onto myself. I'd burn as I had when I was first bitten a thousand times over seeing her hurting._

"My heart…..my heart hurts Carlisle. It feels almost like its gone. If not for the pain I feel I'd actually fear it was gone. I'd rather it was actually." She admitted.

"What do you mean Bella?" Rose suddenly said.

"I wish it was me that died tonight, I wish that my heart would actually stop beating. It feels as if it did though. I wish the Volturi had just killed me." Bella said through a stutter of tears.

_I gasped. I knew that in that instant that indeed the Volturi had killed her. Her heart would never beat like it did when she was with Edward again. They not only broke her but they also forceably ripped her soul out as well. And no one can live without a soul or heart. That is what Edward was and will always be to her….her heart and soul. I gently placed my hand over on her face, covering it entirely with my hand, I glided my hand down and wiped away her tears. Shushing her while I shook my head back and forth I said….._

" Bella dear…..Bella? Please don't ever say that. You cannot ever take yourself out of our lives…Please im begging of you never talk of that again. Do you hear me Bella?"

_She looked at me and then quickly away crying harder then I'd seen her cry yet tonight. I tried to gently pull her face back to mine, I couldn't stand not having her eyes melting into mine. She refused to let me pull her face back to me but instead said….._

" Why not Carlisle? Why not take myself out of your misery? Why not take myself out of your families misery?" She said shakily yet firmly and straightforward.

"What?" Rose exclaimed.

"Bella?" Alice questioned.

"Oh hell no." Emmett yelled.

_Jasper just placed his head into his hands and shook with obvious pain._

"What Bella? I don't understand. Honestly I don't think you understand how truly precious and important you are to us. You are apart of this fam…." I said but got cut off by her suddenly dark eyes boring into mine.

"I'm the reason your all hurting. I'm the reason for all of this. If not for me and my stupidly attractive," she said as she spat out the word blood like it was truly a horrible thing "blood… then none of this would have happened. If I could I drain myself of all that blood right now and cease to exist…..I would…I hate myself. Carlisle you above all people should hate me…im the reason that Esme is gone."

_No…she couldn't think like this. I had to stop her. She couldn't cease to live. "A world without Bella in it just isn't a world at all" Edward had said to me once and in this moment I truly felt the same way. If she were to cease to live then surely as I'm sitting here I'd cease to exist as well. She couldn't….leave us. I wouldn't allow it….._

_It was then that I felt the heart wrenching pain of guilt as I had realized that this was my fault and no one else's. If I hadn't of waited to follow Esme…if I had just followed her instantly.. Then I and the rest of my family would have been there in time to save them both. The Volturi didn't like to be outnumbered, and even though they had "powers" surely they would have backed off at the sight of all seven of us there….ready to attack. But no I hesitated, why did I hesitate? Oh god I'm the reason their both dead, gone from us, I'm the reason Bella is blaming herself, I'm the reason her heart and soul are forever torn apart. I can't take this….._

"No…..No Bella, it isn't your fault….It's…It's my fault." I stuttered out painfully. "I'm the reason their both gone from us. I'm the reason that your hurting, that your reason for living and breathing is gone from you. Bella dear…." I began to whisper and whimper to her at the same time. " Bella dear I'm so very sorry… I'm sorry"

_At that moment is when I lost it completely. My mind seemed to snap , like that of when a light switch is thrown and the bulb pops. I felt my face fall, shame, guilt, and hatred of myself taking over my entire body. Just then I saw her turn her head and look away, into an obvious hole of blackness, a black hole that I wished to be sucked into. I knew at that moment that she hated me, and that was okay as I hated myself just as much if not more. I clamped my eyes tightly shut in hopes of being sucked into myself, I wanted nothing more then to be dead at that precise moment. I began to pray….God please..what have I done?…..please god if you are truly merciful….then take me…..end my miserable existence …take my horrible life out of my families life…they deserve so much better…..God please I am begging you …..make them and keep them safe…from me…I failed…._

_I suddenly felt a warmth on my face. It felt amazing. It felt like god himself was reaching down from the heavens and was giving me what I had so desperately prayed for. I smiled and opened my eyes, looking up, I heard the voice of an angel calling me….._

**Bella's POV**

_I truly hated myself completely. I wanted to die. I wanted to be with Edward again. It was all my fault. Both he and Esme were gone from my life, but so much more then were gone from the lives of my vampire family. I would make sure that they wouldn't need to feel the pain of looking at my horrible face much longer. I tried to find comfort in this but all I could feel was more pain._

_It was then that I heard Carlisle's voice whimper to me…..Oh god the pain in his voice…I was the cause of this pain…._

"No…..No Bella, it isn't your fault….It's…It's my fault." He whispered to me. . "I'm the reason their both gone from us. I'm the reason that your hurting, that your reason for living and breathing is gone from you. Bella dear…." I began to whisper and whimper to her at the same time. " Bella dear I'm so very sorry… I'm sorry"

_What? How is this his fault? I can't let him take all this blame onto himself. Leave it to Carlisle to try to make me feel better even though I knew he was crushed and it was my fault, I had to look away from him, his pain so apparent on his angelic face. Such a strong and confident man, his face never betrayed him, not until this moment. He looked like someone else, the pain twisted and contorted his face in strange ways. The Carlisle I knew had a strong persona, he was always confident and strong willed, but not in an arrogant way….No Carlisle was the sweetest most loving person I had ever met. He cared about others well being before he even considered his own, that's how I knew that he was attempting to make me feel better. I felt him shiver…something I thought I would never feel from the amazing Dr. Cullen, it was true that I felt guilty for being the reason that he felt that way, but I also felt the horrible guilt of taking comfort in his strong and sure arms._

_I looked back at him and saw his eyes tightly shut. I had to make this better….But how?_

_I placed my hand on his cold and hard cheek, god it was soooo cold and hard. His features had always made me feel like, even though I knew his chin was hard lined and his nose was cut in a straight sharp angle, that he was somehow softer then the rest. I had never once in my entirety with the Cullen's touched anything more then Carlisle's hand, I'd always found myself straining with the thought of reaching out and touching his face, wanting to discover if he was indeed soft. To feel his embrace as he would hug me. Everyone of the Cullen's, even Jasper, had hugged me before, everyone except Carlisle. That was ok with me because I always thought that I had wanted it too much, I'd always kick that thought quickly out of my head though. But this…this was different… He needed me to do this. _

_As my hand lie on his face I saw his eyes loosen and his chin lifted as he looked straight up, he opened his eyes and smiled. He looked to be somewhere else entirely._

"Carlisle?…..Carlisle?" I whispered to him trying to revive him from his reverie. "Carlisle….please look at me….I'm here Carlisle please. Its not your fault Carlisle…It's not…"

_He suddenly seemed to snap out of whatever it was that had taken over him. His eyes screwed tightly shut again and he sighed, looking down to me, his eyes opened again. His eyes were still sad but he was smiling slightly. His eyes bored into me with such an intensity that my heart began to falter. How could he look at me like this… me?…the one who was the cause of his and his family's pain. _

"Mio Angelo" He whispered suddenly to me.

**Ok I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! More to come. And soon as I find myself unable to break away from this story.**

**Sorry that's long but I find that the more emotions and details are included the more likely you are too feel, see and experience everything that the characters are going through. The next Chapter will be the hardest yet, it will include graphic details of…well I guess you'll just have to wait and find out. But it won't be X-rated…not yet anyways! ****Jßevily grins**


	3. Chapter 3

_**I do NOT own these characters…..And I'm sad about it but…..They are owned by the amazing Stephenie Meyer…and that's ok! **__**J**_

"_Mio Angelo" He whispered suddenly to me. _

"Carlisle?" I said tears beginning to stream down my face.

_That seemed to snap him out of whatever state of mind he was in as his eyes focused hard on mine. I removed my hand then, I saw the sudden pain that the action of doing so caused him and in that instant I knew I had to get away…I had to escape this place…..I could not take comfort in the arms of the man that I had stolen from. I could not continue to sit here and force him or his family to see my horrible face, and knowing they felt that they had to take care of me made it that much worse. I wanted nothing more then to curl myself tighter to him, clutch his ever strong chest closer to my face and cry my endless tears into it. I wanted to hold my best friend, Alice, and beg her to never let me go. That is part of why I knew I had to be the most selfish and horrible creature that had ever existed._

"Bella?" Jasper suddenly chimed in. " Bella I know what you're feeling and…you're wrong. Not one of us blames you….or you either Carlisle,… for what has happened tonight. We all knew it was dangerous…that there might be casualties….."

" Jasper please don't." I said. "I don't want you to try to make me feel better. I know that I'm a monster for this. That's why I have to leave….now before … before…" I stuttered as the tears started to sound in voice. " Before I hurt you all any more."

"Bella….You can't leave us. We…..the whole family, needs you. We aren't a complete family without you." Rosealie said.

_I have to admit that this shocked me a little, however I would be damned if they were going to convince me that my presence was a comfort instead of a hinderance to them. I would make myself disappear from my world and theirs as well. I would never be able to make this right, but I would make it to where I could never hurt anyone…ever….again._

"Bella….please. You can't…" Alice said suddenly then was sidetracked by another thought.

"Carlisle? Jasper, Em, Rose you all have to go hide…NOW! Charlies coming." Alice shouted.

"Charlies Coming?" I asked.

"Yes Bella, he's the chief of police and as such he was called out to the scene of the accident." Alice said. Seeing my confusion she continued. " Bella we had to stage an accident for…..both of them… I have made up a story to go along..but please Bella you must go along with it….I know it will be very very hard..but you must try."

_I nodded as she continued with the story and the details behind it. She informed me of how to play my part in it. It wouldn't be hard as I knew my heart was already broken. I saw then the others racing to take there places, hidden in the house, but Carlisle stayed right where he was. _

_I looked hard into his eyes for a moment and realized that he was determined to not move, I knew he was afraid to let me go. I had no idea why, he should hate me thoroughly. I knew I shouldn't but I felt that I truly didn't want him to leave. With that I pulled myself upright and pushed his arms down and away, all the while our eyes never left each others. God…how was it possible that his eyes seemed more troubled, by my action of forceing him to release me, then they had before. _

"Carlisle….You must hide." I told him.

"I can't Bella…..I'm sorry but I can't. I don't want you to leave me…my side…my home….I don't want you to blame yourself for this." He said with an intensity that made the fire burn deep in his eyes.

"Carlisle you know this is how it has to work out. It's okay, I'll watch Bella, she'll be safe with me." Alice said reassuringly.

_With that Carlisle released my gaze and looked intently and hard at Alice. He nodded and stood up, taking his time, he walked up the stairs and away into one of the rooms. Which one I didn't know for sure, but either way I felt cold and alone now. Strange thing seeing as how I knew from my many nights wrapped in Edwards arms that I shouldn't feel cold only after I left a vampires embrace. It was as if I had been warm in his arms. Without him it was almost as if I had not felt the cold of an ice storm that I was standing in. Suddenly Alice pulled my arm and told me I only had two minutes to get prepared._

_I took my place in front of the T.V. on the comfy sofa in the den. Alice, keeping up with appearances dashed to the kitchen to pop some popcorn, as we were supposed to be having a movie night. I was supposed to look weak, not a problem, tired and sickly, also not a problem. Alice returned with a dvd and the bowl of steaming popcorn, she quickly fast forwarded through the previews and the first half hour of the film, which one she picked I had no idea nor did I care, when a knock sounded on the door…_

"Who is it?" Alice chimed out as she took a deep, unnecessary, breath and bounded over to the door to answer it.

"Evening Alice dear." I heard my father's say.

_I couldn't help it, the tears started to stream down my face._

" Oh, hey Charlie. Or should I call you officer when you're on duty?" Alice said attempting to sound like her normal bubbly self so as to not raise suspection. "Come on in. What do we owe this late night visit to?"

" You can always call my Charlie , Alice dear." My dad said sounding horribly sad. "My ….visit…isn't a social one though I'm afraid. Where's Bella?"

"She's in the den, Charlie. She's not feeling well tonight, I think she may have eaten something that didn't agree with her. I tried to get her to go to the hospital, but you know Bella." Alice rambled on.

"Oh, okay." Charlie sounded relieved. "Well ,Alice, I felt it my personal duty to be the one to make this call." He sighed heavily. "Tonight at 8:34 pm we were called out to the scene of an accident involving a single car that had struck a tree off the side of hwy 101, when I arrived the ambulance was already there but…Alice…it was too late. I'm sorry. But Alice….it…the car…contained the remains of…Oh Alice I'm soooooo sorry. Esme and Edward where pronounced dead at the scene."

"Dad?" I said as I made my way into the foyer. "Dad? Did you just say?"

"Oh, Bella." He said as he held the sobbing and shaking Alice.

_That's when I fell back into the blackness again. _

_I found myself being cradled tightly in the arms of someone calling my name over and over. It didn't feel right though. Too warm I kept thinking, these arms are too warm, I roused realizing that it was my dad holding me, as I had apparently passed out and landed on the floor._

"Bella?….Bella?….Bella, oh thank god." Charlie sighed.

"Dad, how could this be?" I said whimpering.

" Oh honey I'm so sorry. I know I had my reservations of him but I know you loved him and no one deserves this. I know he loved you too. Alice told me what happened and that she had called them to come back and help her with you, they apparently were very worried because they were speeding and lost control of the car….and they…then….oh Bella I'm so sorry you have to go through this." Charlie said sobbing.

_Just then Alice came back into the room, her face covered with the false tears from a bottle that I knew represented the actual tears she would be shedding if she had that possibility. In that instant I knew what I would have to do, my plan was now set in that one simple second, just to execute it without interference._

"I've called them." Alice said simply. "I called them all and there getting everything packed up right now. They will be here by morning."

"Okay Alice hun, I'm going to stay here until they get back though if that is okay. I don't want to leave you girls alone that long." Charlie said.

_Here's my chance…._

"Dad?" I said. " I don't think I can stay here any longer…..can we go home?"

_Alice shot me an evil look. I ignored it completely._

"Bella? Are you sure that is what you want to do?" Charlie asked looking shocked. "What about Alice? I mean she can come back to the house with us if she wants, but I figured you'd want to stay here, and wait for the others."

"No, dad I just really want to go home and….. I'm sorry but I want to go home with just you…I'm sorry Alice ,I truly am, but I'm not up for company." I said.

_Alice looked truly pissed at this point, it was if she knew my plans. But I knew that she didn't as I hadn't set the finer details in stone, and kept changing up the little things, it was the perfect thing to keep her off my track._

"Um….okay kiddo, but I really think Alice shouldn't be left alone tonight." Charlie said looking at her.

"You're right dad." I said " I think you should stay here with her, I'll get home okay and just head straight to bed. She really needs you, I'll be okay, I'll just call and talk to mom til I fall asleep." I said getting these imaginary daggers from Alice's stare.

"Ummm…uhh are you sure Bells?"

"Yes, dad stay and come home as soon as they return. I'll come and talk to them tomorrow I promise. I'll come back by and help them with the….the arrangements….and try to help them with…" I said but got suddenly cut off by the distinct sound of growling from somewhere upstairs.

_I notice my dad look up at the noise ,raising slowly as if he is was going to go inspect the noise, when I suddenly shocked him by saying my goodbyes to him and Alice. I practically ran for the front door. I realized that I was being followed though and turned to see my father behind me._

"Dad? What are you doing? You're supposed to be staying with Alice." I said.

"I know, I know kiddo but…..I just wanted to walk you out to the truck and talk for a second if that's ok."

"Okay dad. What is it?" I said heading for my truck.

"Bells….you seem to be taking this way better then I thought you would…are you sure your ok? I mean your not…..uhhhh…shutting down on me again are you? I mean you're not going to go home and do anything rash? If you want I could call the Black's to come over and sit with you."

"No, dad I'm okay really. Yeah ok I'm not fully okay but I'm not shutting down on you. I'm actually really worried about Alice. She really needs you dad please….go in there….oh and dad," I said as he was turning. " I love you daddy, you're the best daddy I could have ever asked for, just remember that ok?" I said holding in the tears that threatened to reveal my intentions.

_He turned then and looked at me hard, I knew I had screwed up by calling him "daddy" as I haven't called him that since I was six. But I had to do it. I smiled at him to try to ensure him and turned and got into my truck. I turned my key and as the engine roared to life I looked once more at the house that was once a home but would never be again…..because of me..and said my final goodbyes._

_Once I got home I broke down. I cryed in the cab of my truck for what seemed like an eternity, but I was able to pull myself together enough to make it in the front door. I didn't even bother to turn on any lights and made my way up the stairs. I stopped at my door and rested my forehead on it, remembering the last time I was in here I was with…..Edward….my personal miracle, my love, my soul. I turned the knob slowly hoping, stupidly, that by some miracle I would find him in the rocking chair in the corner. Of course he wasn't here…he…..was….dead. I entered my room and realized that it felt empty and held no meaning for me now, I turned on my computer and as I waited for it come to life I went to the bathroom. Once in the bathroom I felt lost as to the reason I had gone there but as I stared in the mirror I had an idea._

_I opened the medicine cabinet slowly and found my object, a razor, and looked at it hard. As I closed the cabinet and was again faced with the mirror I found myself smiling in reflection. I grasped the razor tightly and with a hard thwack to the sink rim the plastic guard along the bottom of it snapped off, leaveing the sharp blades exposed._

_I went back to my room and sat down in front my computer. Staring at it for a moment I opened my internet and went straight to my e-mail, I clicked on it and began to write my message…my final message…..after completing it I added all the names and addresses of the ones I wanted to send it to and clicked send. I knew it was foolish and stupid but I found myself unable to resist and I also sent it to Edward._

_I turned my computer off then and turned towards my bed, funny I hadn't even made it since the last time I slept in it, I was glad that I hadn't as I found that Edwards perfect shape was still there formed in the crumpled sheets and comforter. The pillow he always rested on still held the shape of his perfect head. Climbing into my bed I made sure not to disturb the now empty shape left by him. I grabbed his pillow and pulled to my face…Oh god it still smelled like him….. I inhaled deeply and pulled it away to look at it. I noticed my tears leaving small drops of grey on it. I sighed and laid down and tucked the pillow under my face, and finally deciding what I was going to do, I inhaled once more before bringing the damaged but perfect for my use razor to my throat. You see I figured that since vampires die from their heads being detached that if I were slit my throat then no one nor anything that could save me. If I were to slit my wrists then I knew that their venom could bring me back. So this was perfect. _

_I inhaled the delicious scent of him once more and with a deep breath I pulled the sharp and extremely painful instrument across my throat. I laid my head back down on my pillow and closed my eyes. I whispered my final goodbye to him then. It hurt badly but I didn't care…..then I heard him…..he was calling to me….. "Heaven" I thought….._

**Carlisle's POV**

_Pulling myself out of my revere I realized that it was not the voice and hands of god, it wasn't the heavens calling out to me by name, it was the angel I held in my arms. As I looked at her I couldn't help but to call her by what she truly seemed to be…_

"Mio Angelo" I whispered to her. "My angel" in Italian.

_She removed her hand then and I realized she was crying again. That snapped me out of it completely then. I just couldn't tear my eyes away from hers as I heard Jasper say her name and mine. I just stayed still, my eyes locked intently on hers. I swear that if I hadn't know my heart was lying dead, cold and still in my chest that it would have been beating at a horses pace. Her eyes….they were melting me…. I can't believe the intensity of them…. I felt like I was actually warming up on the inside…..almost like the intense heat of venom when I was first bitten…..what was this feeling? Before I even had the opportunity to entertain this question I heard Alice shouting…._

"Carlisle? Jasper, Em, Rose you all have to go hide…NOW! Charlies coming." Alice shouted.

"Charlies Coming?" Bella asked.

_Alice then started to give her the details of the story that they had come up with. She told Bella how to play out her role. I could not stop staring at her waiting for her to break down. I knew that Alice expected me to go hide upstairs but I was firm on the fact that I needed to stay right where I was. Bella needed me…and…..I needed her._

"Carlisle….You must hide." Bella told me.

"I can't Bella…..I'm sorry but I can't. I don't want you to leave me…my side…my home….I don't want you to blame yourself for this." Every word the truth and yet it didn't seem complete.

"Carlisle you know this is how it has to work out. It's okay, I'll watch Bella, she'll be safe with me." Alice said reassuringly.

_I glared at my pixie like daughter Alice then, attempting to show her the impossibility of that. I knew she could keep Bella safe enough. I just couldn't let her go, I felt that if I did I would never again see her eyes, see her take a breath, that she would be lost forever. Feeling her pull herself out my grasp, I stared back down at her, I didn't like it, not at all, but I let her do it. It damn near killed me but if she wanted to be away from me I understood, I had been the reason for her heart to be broken, I was the reason her love….my son…was gone. _

_I nodded then and stood up, I felt as if I was moving in slow motion as I headed up the stairs to hide in the closet, once inside I realized I was in Esme's closet. God her scent was heavy in here...and god how it hurt. The pain was almost unbearable, but I felt that the pain from being away from Bella hurt even worse, and that alone made me break down even further. How could I possibly feel that? Now? What did it mean? I then took down one of Esme's favorite blouses, I inhaled it deeply, remembering the last time I had seen her wear it. The sadness was maddening , the saddness of knowing that I would never again see her smile, see her eyes light up every time I entered the room, the way she used to give me a peck on the cheek every morning before handing me my bag and wishing me a good day, also I found that I was suffering from the madness of missing Bella, her warmth in my arms. Oh god what was I going to do?_

_It was then that I heard the distant knock on the door… I knew it was Charlie. I prepared myself for the news that I already knew…not that it made it any easier …but as I listened to the retelling of the scene of the "accident" that my son and my wife had, I couldn't stop myself from straining to hear Bella's heart. It was beating so shallow now, slower then normal, I knew it was because it was broken. It was then that I heard her heart falter and it was followed quickly by a thud. I jumped up and almost tore the door down to race downstairs and get Bella as I knew that sic kingly horrible thud was her passing out…again. But I quickly refrained myself. I knew Charlie would take care of her in that instant. God Carlisle , I thought to myself, you got to keep yourself under control._

_I backed back into the closet and as I picked Esme's blouse again I heard Bella telling Charlie that she wanted to go home…alone._

_No…..No….NO…she can't be alone. Damnit what the hell is she thinking. No Charlie don't let her go home alone. Then I heard Charlie…the total fool….. Say that it was ok and that he would stay here with Alice. It was then that I realized that I was growling…loudly. There was no way in hell I was going to let her be alone…..I had to protect her…had to keep her safe….even from herself as I knew she blamed herself for this whole thing. _

_I knew then that Charlie's senses were heightened as he approached the stairs, after hearing my growl, but he was stopped short by Bella. I can't believe that she had this kind of control over Charlie, it was either that or he was such a damned fool that he didn't know that there is no worse time to leave her alone. _

_I heard the heart breakingly, deafening sound of her truck coming to life. I listened carefully as her truck went down the long winding drive and hit the pavement. I didn't know how or when but I knew I would go to her house tonight and keep her safe. I stood in my full yet empty feeling closet deep in thought. I was trying to figure out how I was going to get out of the house without making too much noise, with Charlie's senses heightened , unfortunately not heightened enough, but heightened enough that any noise from me would set him off._

_I stood for what seemed like an eternity trying to figure out exactly what I was going to do when I heard Alice tell Charlie to excuse her as she needed to use the restroom. Knowing she was coming upstairs to talk to one of us I listened hard as I heard her approach my door. She whispered quickly that it was Bella….She has had a vision about Bella….._

"Carlisle?….Do you hear me Carlisle?" Alice whispered. "It's Bella, Carlisle…she's ….gone ….She's done it Carlisle…. I saw her do it." She whimpered sounding as if her heart had fully broken now.

"No!" I all but growled back. "It can't be Alice."

"But it is Carlisle…I just saw her do it…..and…..Carlisle we have to do something….I cant go because of Charlie…and there's a lot of blood…"

_That set my teeth on edge._

"How long do I have Alice?" I growled at her.

"Oh god Carlisle…..I think…..that it might…be….too…la….."

"NO!"

_And with that I was running. I thrust myself out the back window, and grabbed the tree that was directly beside the window that our bed faced. I knew I had made a lot of noise in the process but at this time I truly didn't care. I had to get to her. I had to save her. God what would I do if I was in fact too….NO! I couldn't think like that…I had to make it in time….I would make it…but Alice had said there was a lot of blood….god Bella what did you do?_

_How could she do this to me…to us…to her father and mother. She had to know that Edward would never have approved of this. He would never had wanted her to do this. He wanted her to live…..to be happy..and now she was dieing if not already…DAMNIT Carlisle stop thinking like that…..just …..RUN!_

_I ran as fast as I could and made it about a mile from her house when the scent overwhelmed me for a moment, I stopped dead still, but then took off again faster then I ever thought possible of myself. Good god Bella…what did you do? There is one hell of a lot of blood for it to hit me this strongly. Oh god was I too late?_

_As soon as I got to the house I crashed through the front door not careing if I made a lot of noise. The scent of her blood was indeed strong and overwhelming and I instantly understood Edward's pull towards her…she truly was a siren…..but none of that mattered anymore. I ran up the stairs and straight to her door breaking it down instantly as well…there on the bed…there she lied…..completely surrounded by blood….she was hugging a pillow tightly in her arms…I reached out and touched her arm…she was cold…..more then cold she was freezing… she felt sorta stiff as well. Oh god Bella…why?…..why did you leave me?_

_I picked her up then , cradling her in my arms, as I felt the tearless sobs rumble through my chest. I looked down at her then and saw what she had done….oh god how could anyone stand the pain that must have accompanied that type of wound? But to be truthful with myself she had been through much more pain this night then that. I reached my hand out to touch her angelic face one more time…._

"Mio Angelo" I whispered to her as I touched her beautiful yet broken face. " My angel Bella."

_Just then I saw her wince….she blinked and rolled her eyes over to gaze at me…._

"Bella?….Oh my god Bella?….Bella listen to me…stay with me please…Oh god Bella." I yelled.

"Heaven." she whimpered and smiled.

_She closed her eyes again then and I felt her go completely limp then in my arms….oh god I had to save her..but how? The cut was too deep for stitches that much I knew…..but I had to save her. It appears that she hit the vital carotid artery.. But she didn't sever it…and she has lost a lot of blood. She'd never make it to the hospital…..my venom…that was the only thing that could repair this now. But she hasn't got enough blood or life left in her to spread the venom..and I wouldn't change her unless she wanted me to. _

_With that I licked my hand and pressed it firmly to her neck, praying that this would do it…. I held my hand in place as I dashed back downstairs and out the front door….I had to get her to a safe place and I had to get some blood in her…if this works I could go get some from my house…I always kept blood on hand in case of emergencies …_

"Damnit Bella you…will..live!" I screamed down at her.

_And with that I ran into the woods. I was going to save her…I had promised Edward..I had promised her…..and I just couldn't lose her…because…because…oh god I just couldn't lose her…..but was I too late?_

**Ohhhh the cliffy….or maybe not…..does she die? Was Carlisle too late? **

**More to come soon I promise!**

**Reviews are like a lap cats…..they leave you warm and fuzzy all over! XD**


	4. Chapter 4

_**I do NOT own these charecters…and I'm emo sad about it…but hey Stephenie Meyer owns them…..so I'll live!**_

_**Carlisle POV**_

"_Damnit Bella you…will..live!" I screamed down at her._

_And with that I ran into the woods. I was going to save her…I had promised Edward..I had promised her…..and I just couldn't lose her…because…because…oh god I just couldn't lose her…..but was I too late?_

_No…I had to stop thinking like that. I would keep my promise….. She will live! I had to run….I had to run faster….I had to make it home…. I knew as a doctor what she would need in order to survive…..I began to make my mental list. Blood….lots of blood…fluids, stitches, antibiotics, pain killers, and…..and….dammit Carlisle think…you're a doctor…THINK! It was then that I realized that I was near my house…..not my home….as it never would be home again…..not after tonight. I could hear the slow deep breaths of Charlie….the heavy footfalls of his pacing…he was worried….but not for all the right reasons. He had no idea that I carried his daughter…broken and lifeless in my arms…..no he had no idea and he must never have any idea. _

_I jumped quickly into my window and placed her lifeless form onto my bed. I removed my hand and noticed that my venom had stopped the bleeding and started to heal to severe cut, but it could only do so much. I had to get my black bag out of my office. Seeming to know my thoughts I heard Alice excuse herself again and dart up the stairs. She knocked lightly on the door and I heard the plop of my bag hitting the floor. I opened the door and quickly retrieved it, giving Alice a quick wink, and darted back to Bella's side._

_I quickly set her up with two I.V.'s one to run her some fluids and the other to run blood. Thank the heavens for my pixie like telepathic daughter, she knew exactly everything that I would need and therefore saved a lot of time. I took her temperature … 96.3.….damn that was low. I took her pulse…it was low….extremely low. God how was she going to survive this? NO she was going to survive this… I knew it…she had to! I quickly pushed away any thoughts of her departure from this life as I could no longer think like that…she needed me right now…she needed my doctor side. _

_After giving her a dose of morphine and antibiotics, I flushed her wound and began to stitch it up. I couldn't help but wonder how anyone could do this to themselves…. It must have been so painful and usally the human mind shyed away from that much pain. Stopping itself from causing any further pain…..it was a basic instinct….it would shut it self down…cause her to pass out. I realized then that she must have felt every single second of the pain before lack of blood caused her to pass out…..God Bella why?….why did you do it? _

_I cradled her in my arms and began to rock her ever so gently back and forth. Looking at her innocent, yet troubled face I knew she wanted death, she wanted to leave this place…this her own personal hell….she would hate me even more now…but I would have to make sure that she understood that I just couldn't let her go…she couldn't take herself out of our family…not without a fight. _

_It was then that she started to squirm, she began to moan and whimper, she started jerking violent little jerks as if fighting someone, her eyes screwing tight and releasing. She was having a nightmare. It was then that I remembered what Edward had told me once…_

_***flashback***_

"Son? Are you sure that it's the best idea that you stay with her every night if you find her blood so tempting?" I asked of Edward

" She talks in her sleep. I find her interesting, the things she says, she calls my name in her sleep. I can't stay away and I can handle the scent, I will never hurt her." he answered.

"Well, son, I understand that you believe that you can handle the scent, but are you one hundred percent possitive that you wont hurt her?" I raised my hand to stop him as he was about to protest, "I'm not saying that I doubt you son, I know you would never willingly harm her, but her blood sings to you, I just want to make sure that you are sure."

" I am sure. She needs me. It's the only thing that helps her to sleep throughout the night, you see she has vivid dreams. I wish I knew what they are, but I can't read her mind. She has a lot of nightmares as well, and even though I worry that they are about me, I found that if I'm with her and I hum her lullaby they stop or don't come at all. It's as if her subconscious knows I'm there with her, that I'll protect her. I love her Carlisle, she is my life, she is my soul, I will never hurt her." he said with a certainty and pride that reassured me that he spoke nothing but the utmost truth.

_I remembered the pride that I felt for my son that day. I knew at that moment with the utmost certainty that I had made the right decision that day, all those years ago, back in the hospital, as Edward laid there…dieing. I knew how Edward would stop her terrors, but would it work for me? I began to hum her the lullaby that Edward had written for her. At first she jerked harder and her eyes screwed even tighter shut, she moaned louder, pain evident in her face. I hummed louder and she began to relax then and her face fell back into an almost calm front, she smiled and rolled towards my chest and as I tightened my arms around her delicate frame she whispered his name…._

"Edward…" she whispered.

**Bella's POV**

_I was in hell, I knew it, I was surrounded by my family. I was in the middle of the meadow… the light of the sun warmed my face as looked out across the field , once covered in tall thick grass and wildflowers, but now it was dead and brown. I saw them, all of them, my family…only they were dead…all of them….lieing motionless and beheaded scattered all over the ground….even Charlie and Renee. I knew that I caused this, it was all my fault, I had killed them. My mere existence is what caused them to die. I broke down, falling to my knees amongst all this death….death that was mine and mine alone. I was so alone. I wanted nothing more then to wake up from this nightmare. _

_I was so wrapped up in my own endless sobbing that I almost didn't hear the sound of someone approaching me…..with a shock I looked up to see Jane crossing the meadow…she had a sickenly horrid smirk on her face as she approached me. She stopped directly in front me as I rose to look straight into her evil eyes….she quickly looked around and with a giggle she said "oh, what have you done Bella? Tsk….tsk…you truly don't know your own strength do you? You….a mere human…..had the power to destroy an entire coven and oh…..lookie…you even destroyed your own mother and father." That was it… I felt such a surge of hate and power that I struck out…I punched that evil lil bitch straight into her horrid mouth! We began to fight….to scratch, claw, punch, and tear at each other. I had the power within me to hurt her, it surprised me but not enough to distract me, and with a final blow she was down. I stood over her and felt a snarl curl my lips, she looked horrified. I found pleasure in her terror, and I felt myself giggle at her, it was then that I reached down and beheaded the lil bitch as if I was simply pulling a pumpkin off the vine, just a little twist and pull, and there she lie….dead. _

_With that I looked back onto the field that surrounded me, I remembered why I was here and felt the need to escape…I had to run….far away…and so I did. I ran into the depths of my own dispair… faster and faster…..farther and farther…. I ran. I found myself running into the blackness that could only be my own personal hell. I felt the air rushing past me, it did nothing to dry or soothe the tears rolling down my cheeks. It was then that I stumbled, I began to fall, to plumit, the darkness overtook me then and I couldn't find it in myself to care….I wanted the darkness to find me and take me. With a sudden jolt I discovered I wasn't actually falling I was floating now…I opened my eyes to see the light…a brilliant, radiating light….._

_Heaven…..Oh this must be heaven…..I can hear it…my lullaby. Edward must be close, he must be waiting for me, calling me to him, humming to me….where is he?…..I cant see him….I cant see anything….I called to him then….._

"Edward…." I called out.

_It was then that I felt him, his cold arms tight around me, holding me to him forever. I never wanted to be let go, I would stay like this for my entirety in heaven. I knew we were in heaven, Edward could never be damned to the pits of hell and somehow I had been granted the grace of joining him here, although anywhere with Edward holding me was heaven. I looked up to see him, to once again hold his angelic features in my eyes, only I couldn't find him. I felt him….he was holding me…..I was sure of it….I knew he was here…..he was humming to me. It was then that I began to search….my eyes wandering over my surroundings….so bright….so beautiful…but none of that mattered anymore…I had to find him. _

_As I turned my head to search further I felt a jab of pain, it was sharp and hot, It stung like nothing else I had felt. It was then that I finally saw him…he was far away…..off to the side….he was smiling that little grin that I loved so much….I strained to reach him. I ran towards him. But he did not reach out for me. I begged him to catch me… " Edward, my love, catch me." He just smiled brighter and even though his mouth never moved he spoke to me in the recesses of my mind " Oh, my beloved Bella, I can finally read you! I will never let you fall my love. You will be kept safe, that I can promise you. But Bella my love why did you do it?…Why? You cannot not exist , you must stay with them, you must make my family….our family….whole again. I love you so much Bella, and as much as it truly pains me you cannot join me now, but know this. I Edward Anthony Masen Cullen will always love you and I will always be with you," he reached out and placed his hand upon the center of my chest directly above my heart, his hand was warm now and at first it shocked me but I realized that as I looked into his eyes they were once again green, he was human again…in heaven "in here. I will always be in your heart as you will always carry mine within yours. Please, Bella, keep it safe, keep your heart safe." With that he started to back away. I reached out for him again, sobbing, I begged him to stay, to take me with him if he could not, I tried to reach him but felt myself being held back by some cold, strong but gentle force. I realized then that even though he was gone I could still hear my lullaby. I had the feeling that I was being tugged back….back into the realms of reality again…..and I didn't want it._


	5. Chapter 5

**First I want to thank all of those that have reviewed and favorited/story alerted this. You all friggin rock \o/! **

**I also want to thank my personal ninja, my awesome sister who introduced me to the realms of ~*~FANFICTION~*~! Sparkycullen14!**

**Ok now to the legal mumbo jumbo….. *sighs***

**Mumbles: I do NOT own any the charecters as they are owned by the amazingly talented Stephenie Meyer. *deep breath in* Mumbles: So basically I'm saying that I can't be sued!**

_I had the feeling that I was being tugged back….back into the realms of reality again…..and I didn't want it._

**Carlisle POV**

_God….when was she going to regain consciousness?….She's been out for 3 days now. Alice had figured what to do about the whole Charlie thing, it wasn't pleasant, but it was the best that we could do considering…._

_**~*~flashback~*~**_

_Charlie had fallen asleep on the couch holding Alice's hand. She had pretended to fall asleep herself knowing that if she had, he would fall asleep too. Once he was totally immersed in slumber she gently and quickly removed her hand from his grasp and darted up the stairs to meet with us and check in on her best friend and beloved sister._

"How is she Carlisle?" She asked nervously.

" She'll survive, but I'm not sure about her mindset. It takes a lot of pain to inflict this kind of wound to ones self, and to stay conscious while doing it," I said shaking my head " all I know is that we're lucky she's alive." I answered.

"My poor baby sister," Emmett said as he approached her looking sad. "She has known worse pain then this."

_It never ceased to amaze me how amazingly brilliant and deep this man, my son, could be. On the outside he was a big goofy teddy bear, always so strong. Yet when it mattered he was one of the deepest and amazing hearts you would ever have the pleasure of experiencing._

"Yes, yes she has and Carlisle…I'm not sure how much more I can take." Jasper said suddenly.

"What's the matter Jazz?" Alice asked.

"I…..I…I don't know how describe it Alice my love. What she's going through…in her mind…her emotions….I….I….I just cant…." Jasper said as he grabbed fistfuls of his hair.

Resting my hand on his shoulder I said "Son, its ok I understand. I don't expect that anyone with your gift could handle the emotions that are floating around right now. If you must leave for awhile then I will grant you your absence and trust that I will bear you no ill will."

"Thank you Carlisle, its hard but I have to be here. I have to stay to help Alice and Bella. I'm trying to send Bella positive feelings but its not working, but I will stay. She is my family too." Jasper said with a certainty.

_I knew how much this effected them all and there presence is the one thing that kept me sane. I knew that Jasper would suffer more then the rest of them, but I was beyond the realms of glad that he was willing to suffer the pain._

"Thank you again son." I said with a smile. "But that leaves us with the issue of Charlie. Bella wouldn't want her father to know what she's done, and neither would I but…..I left a mess behind me there and she lost a lot of blood on her bed. I have no idea what we are going to do." I said looking down onto the floor, screwing my eyes tightly closed, trying to erase the horrible memories of that scene.

"Well I have played a lot of different scenarios in my head trying to figure out our best route." Alice said.

"Oh Alice I will never be able to tell you how grateful I am to you and for your gift." I sighed.

"Well lets have it, what are we going to do?" Rosealie said suddenly.

"Well there is a lot of blood as Carlisle said, so Jazz your going to have to stay here, but that's a good thing because your going to be busy hacking into email accounts…" Alice said.

"Hacking into email accounts?" Emmett questioned.

"Yes before she did this she emailed a letter to everyone." Alice said looking pained.

"A letter?" I asked looking at every one of my children's faces already knowing the answer.

"Yes Carlisle, a goodbye letter."

_Suddenly the room fell silent and very still, I saw the pain that crossed everyone of their faces in that moment._

"I understand." I said with a nod for her to continue.

"Well Jazz, you're going to have go in and erase the emails she sent to her mother, Charlie, Angela, Mike, and Jacob. She sent one to each of us as well but we can take of that ourselves. As for myself, Rose and Emmett we will take care of the house and we will leave a note of our own…in Bella's handwriting…telling him that she couldn't take the stress and decided to go on a long road trip to try to heal her mind. We will tell him that she will call him every so often. We will also leave a note for him to pass to us apologizing for leaving and not being able to stay but of course we will understand." Alice said.

"Brilliant!" Emmett and Rose said together.

Clapping my hands together I said "Ok Alice. Rose and Em, you three get to work on Charlie's house and Jazz you can quietly use the computer in my office."

_With that they all sped off in different directions, to do the best possible thing that they could in our current situation. I felt the horrible pang in my dead heart knowing that this would be the second time this night that they would have to make up a scene of a horrid event. _

_I turned then and reentered my room. I stood for what seemed like an eternity at the door. I waited for my children to return from their grim mission. I just stood and waited…watched….and hoped that Bella would come back to us, to….me. God, what did I do to deserve this hell? What did my family do to deserve this? What did the angel laying on my bed do to deserve this? She isn't damned….she is perfect…she is an innocent…God I believed you to be a truly just and honest god and yet you found it in your self to punish this amazing angel….for whom never did anything to deserve your unjust wrath…..you have punished the wrong one. Looking to the sky I fell unto my knees and began to pray._

"Take me, God, take me. Do not do this to my family. Do not do this to her…..she is one the purest and most amazing souls I have ever encountered. If your looking to punish someone then by all means punish me. If you are truly a just and honest God then take away all their pain this night and take me from their world. Let them awake in the morning to find this all to be the most horrid nightmare." dropping my head into my hands and leaning forward to place them onto the floor I begged " I'm lost. I don't know what to do. Please forgive me for questioning you God. I just do not know what I am to do now. Please I beg of you to help me to help them. Please. Take me…just…take me."

_Just then, as if in answer to my prayers, I heard Bella's heart rate increase. She arched her back up off the bed a little and let out a huge breath that somehow she must have been holding. It was as if I was being sent a reminder of my purpose. I had to stay …..alive…if that is what I am…I had to protect her….keep her safe…keep her heart beating….I had to …..keep her._

_I raced over to the bed then and took her wrist in my hand to check her pulse, it was good, and steady. She sighed suddenly and took my hand into hers, tucking it ever so gently under head, she smiled slightly. She looked then that she was sleeping instead of recovering. I looked to the heavens then and thanked God silently for reminding me of why I should never question him or his methods. _

_Looking back to the angel on my bed my eyes swam in the venom that would never nor could ever fall from them. I felt it then. What did I feel? I'm not perfectly sure. But I felt something, something I couldn't describe, but it was amazing and kind of like an electric jolt that passed through my entire system. What was that? I have never felt or known to have any other of my kind feel something like it. I decided then that I would leave those questions for another time and place and just be here for her when she returned to us._

_**~*~end flashback~*~**_

"Alice dear, do you see anything about when she will regain consciousness?"I asked her for what must be the thousandth time.

"No, Carlisle I don't. I'm sorry but I'm unable to see that as it isn't conscious decision. I do believe it will be within the next day or two but I can't be certain because her future is soo hazy."

"It's ok dear, I am sorry to keep bothering you with this." I said.

"Carlisle, you need to hunt you haven't moved from the spot in three and a half days, I can watch her no problem, and of course if anything changes or happens I will call you immediately." Rose said entering the room.

"Not to mention that we have a viewing and funeral to attend tomorrow." Emmett added.

Looking back to Bella I said "Yes, I know I need to hunt however I find it an impossibility to leave her side."

_I heard a sudden and quick gasp from Alice then. Knowing her as I do I knew she was having a vision. But if I was being honest with myself, if it didn't involve Bella, I frankly didn't care anymore. _

**Ok all sorry about the shortness of this. I hope you enjoyed!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Ok ya'll I want to thank all those who have favorited/reviewed/alerted my story! You all rock! \o/ \o/**

**I do not own…..*pouts miserably*…..any of the charecters as they are owned by the amazing Stephenie Meyer!**

_I heard a sudden and quick gasp from Alice then. Knowing her as I do I knew she was having a vision. But if I was being honest with myself, if it didn't involve Bella, I frankly didn't care anymore. _

"Alice, what is it?" Jasper asked taking notice of his wife's sudden appearance.

"Alice, is it Bella? Is Something wrong?" I asked suddenly terrified.

_I tightened my grip on Bella's delicate hand and concentrated on her breathing. She seemed to be ok, well the same as she was before. Perhaps I was wrong. I looked back to Alice, worried about her reaction, awaiting the answer._

"No, no it's ok. Bella is ok." Alice said staring right into my eyes to put my mind at rest.

"As a matter of fact I do believe she will be coming too in just a few minutes." She added looking around at the family smiling slightly.

_A deep breath seemed to come from us all at that moment, one that I'm sure we had be unaware that we had been holding. I couldn't help but to look back to the face of the angel that lied upon my bed. Her beautiful head, full of the softest curls of chocolate brown hair, strewn about my pillow. She looked oddly at peace yet you could still see the pain in the way her eyes were strained tightly shut. It was as if she was asleep deeply, yet she was in the middle of the worst nightmare you could ever imagine, one where you wanted, and tried, in vain to scream, just to find that no matter how hard you tried you just couldn't make it pass your lips. I placed my hand on her delicate face then, rubbing my thumb across her chin…god was she soft…and warm….and again with that jolt of ….something….god what was that feeling?…I looked back to Alice then as she continued to speak._

"Then what was it that you saw Alice?" Rosealie asked.

"Oh, it wasn't anything important, just the uhhh….. You know with the funeral tomorrow….just uhhh…noticing that everything was going to work out ok." She stammered in response.

"Alice?" Jasper suddenly looked deep into her eyes as if doubtful of her answer. "What I'm getting from you…is…diff…"

"Yes! Jasper that is what I saw." She said loudly cutting him off. She turned suddenly then and left the room, Jasper directly behind her.

"What the hell was that about?" Emmett asked.

"I don't know son. But if that is what Alice said she saw then that is what she saw. I learned long ago to never doubt anything that Alice does or says." I answered him.

_It was then that Bella's heart rate accelerated. I quickly turned and knelt down onto the floor beside the bed. I placed my fingers on her neck, worry crossing every inch of my body. She took a deep breath as she turned over onto her back. She opened her eyes slowly, blinked twice, and turned her head ever so slowly to glance all around the room. She focused on each of our expectant faces for just a short moment before turning to the next. I began to speak to her then…_

"Bella, dear, how are you feel….." I began.

_It was then that I was cut off by her eyes hard on mine. God, how was it possible that any living creatures eyes had the look of melting pools of the deepest milk chocolate, only Bella's eyes had this look. She just stared at me for what seemed forever, never breaking her stare. I felt dumbfounded, I couldn't find any words to say, and I must say that it was truly the first time I had ever felt this in my centuries upon this earth. Then she suddenly turned her head back to focus her eyes onto the ceiling, and as I tried to recover my senses I felt her entire body shutter…_

"Bella? Are you ok? If you need anything, just let me know and I'll go and get it. You'll be ok Bella dear, nothing is going to happen to you now. I will…..we all will protect you I prom…" I began to stammer out in alarm.

_I was once again cut off ,but this time it was by her screaming. She screamed so loud that I felt it pierce straight through my ears and it was as if my head had been jolted back, like the effects of whiplash. I heard Emmett curse softly, and looked over to see him and Rosealie covering their ears as if in pain themselves. I knew it wasn't actual physical pain that you get from hearing a noise that was too loud, as that type of thing didn't affect us, but as I saw Rose tucked her head into Emmett's shoulder I knew that it was the pain of hearing Bella's pain. I couldn't help but to share in that feeling myself. The scream seemed to last and last and I began to worry about her breathing. But then just as suddenly as it had started she cut off her scream and just lay there trembling, crying. _

_I couldn't help it then….I truly had no idea what came over me…..I felt it comeing and knew that I shouldn't react this way….after all I had no right…..but I just couldn't help it. _

_Rosealie approached us then, arms raised, wanting nothing more then to comfort Bella and myself. I felt a low grumble start in my chest and before I could stop myself I found that I was growling, fierce and loud, snarling, in Rosealie's face. How had I ended up standing?…in her face?….. And why was I growling? I quickly crumpled to the floor my face in my hands. If only I could get the release that my body needed, if…only…I ….could… cry._

"I'm so sorry Rose. I don't know what ever came over me." I tried to explain to her as she froze.

"It's ok Carlisle. She understands." Emmett said as he stood in front of her…..protecting her from me I'm sure as was customary among mates.

"I'm so very sorry. I can't begin to explain why..or how that happened I just…hell I don't know anything anymore." I mumbled.

"No Carlisle, it's truly ok. Every one is going through hell right now. You're just protecting her. That's all. You would do that for any of us, if it were us that needed that kind of intense protection. We are all in pain right now, but none I think more so then you and Bella." Rose said as she stepped forward and placed her hand upon my shoulder for reassurance. "So I completely understand, and please do not feel bad for it Carlisle. I know you well enough that you will continue to try to make it up to me, but please don't."

_I knew she spoke from her heart and that she truly meant everything she had just said. I truly took comfort from the words she spoke, but I still wasn't fully at ease, I mean I'm usually always the calm one, the one who could take control of any strenuous situation and fix it. If I could react this way towards Rose then how did I know I wouldn't to Bella. Taking my head out of my hands and looking back over towards the bed I saw that Bella still lay there, on her back, staring at nothing, and crying. I knew in that moment…..I don't know how I knew…but I knew that I would never or could ever hurt her or threaten her. I rose up and with a gentle nod of acceptance and appreciation at my daughter I went back over to the bed and took Bella's hand back into my own and settled myself next to her. I heard as her heart skipped a beat and in my alarm I tried to raise up enough to look into her eyes only to feel her attempting to remove her hand from my grasp. I let her take her hand back from me even though it crushed me. I rested my head back onto the pillow behind it and listened as her sobs increased, and if it were possible my own would have been in time with hers. I wanted nothing more then to be able to take this pain from her. But I knew that nothing could ever remove it from her as nothing could ever take it from me._

**Bella's POV**

_I had the feeling that I was being tugged back….back into the realms of reality again…..and I didn't want it._

_I knew that I had somehow survived my attempt at joining my beloved….but how? I truly believed that the damage I had done would be unfixable. I knew that I had placed more then enough pressure to the razor. _

_As I tried to figure this all out it came to me. One name. Alice._

_She must have seen what I finally decided to do. But how did she get away from Charlie? Then I figured out that most likely it was Carlisle she had sent…he would have the knowledge of how to treat me…but again I was so sure that it was bad enough that it couldn't be treated. _

_I heard muffled voices then….somewhere near by however I couldn't figure out what was being said. I strained to hear the voices clearer. I heard Alice first..what she was saying I couldn't tell…..then I heard a door closing…..she had left was my assumption. I then heard a deep booming voice….it was Emmett…that I was sure of. Then I heard yet another voice…it was clearer and yet much more strained then the others. It was Carlisle…he was closer to me then the others were or had been. Why was he here? Why was he so close to me? I could feel my heartbeat begin to race then as I began to remember all the reasons that I should not be here…..why they shouldn't be here…why they shouldn't care whether I lived or died. _

_I rolled over then and opened my eyes. I felt an hand tighten on mine. Carlsile…it had to be Carlisle holding my hand…but…why was he? I felt it then…a …..jolt….but that cant be right….I just must still be in shock or something cause I only felt something like this from….from…..oh god from my beloved….from….Edward. I turned suddenly as my mind had betrayed my heart and made me hope for a split second that it was possible that it was all a terribly realistic nightmare. _

_I stared around the room…I locked eyes with them…first with Rosealie…then Emmett…._

"Bella, dear, how are you feel….." Carlisle said suddenly.

_I locked eyes with him then. God how could his eyes be so gentle and full of hope? I mean he was looking at me…the one who destroyed his family and took away his true love. Continueing to stare at him I noticed that he looked stumped as to the next thing to say…it was an odd sight as I have never seen him look that way before. I shouldn't be stareing at him…I told myself this over and over and over again…but I just couldn't peel my eyes away. I felt a shutter run through my body then bringing me back to reality. I turned my head quickly…I couldn't and shouldn't be looking at any of them…I didn't deserve them…and they sure as hell didn't deserve the curse that was Bella. I focused my eyes on the speckled ceiling….I cant handle this…..this is killing me…..its worse then death…having them all around me…..careing for me….when I'm the one in which they should hate so much that they wanted to kill me on site. I would welcome death then._

"Bella? Are you ok? If you need anything, just let me know and I'll go and get it. You'll be ok Bella dear, nothing is going to happen to you now. I will…..we all will protect you I prom…" Carlisle suddenly said.

_Oh god …no….no…I …cant…handle…_

_I just couldn't contain it anymore….couldn't hear them trying to help me…..I had to shut them out….and so…I ….screamed….._

_I screamed and screamed until my lungs gave out on me. I had collapsed inside of myself and the whole of the world that surrounded me was lost then. I heard a rumbling noise far off and then I heard the mumbling of words being passed. In truth I couldn't understand any of it. I lay there hearing and feeling almost nothing…that's how I wanted it…it was then that I felt _

_Something grab my hand..no not something…someone…with a jolt I knew who it belonged to and it brought me out of my own self reverie …it was Carlisle….and even though it was somehow amazing….I didn't want to have him touching me…I didn't deserve it…I wanted nothing more then to collapse into myself and now because of him I couldn't. I pulled my hand out of his grasp…at first I felt a little resistance but then he just let me go. I felt him lie down next to me then…..I knew I shouldn't…but I wanted nothing more then to roll over and lay my head upon his cool chest…I wanted to feel my tears soak through his shirt… oh god how horrible of a monster I truly was..wanting to take comfort from the man that should hate me above all of the others…and with that I cried harder. _

_After crying for what seemed like an eternity I decided that he did not deserve to lie here and deal with all of my crap when he most likely only wanted to be as far away from him as possible. _

_I rolled over and sat up on the edge of the bed that had become my personal hell, on the side that faced away from him and the rest of the family that I knew was standing around waiting. I knew Alice had returned, but I did not take comfort from that knowledge, in fact it hurt me more. _

"Bella? Bella? Are you ok? Do you need help standing?" Carlisle said with the utmost gentleness.

It made my stomach turn.

"No…No Carlisle. I do not want nor need your help." I said gruffly.

_Why did I sound so horrible? God Bella what is wrong with you? I stood then and wobbled slightly._

"Woah there. You shouldn't stand so quickly Bella dear. You've been lieing down motionless for all of three days. Also with all the blood loss you've have you aren't stable enough. Please let us help you." Carlisle said grabbing my arms to steady me.

"I said I DO NOT WANT YOUR HELP CARLISLE!" I growled. "I do not want any of you guy's help!"

"Bella…please…" Alice pleaded.

"I said NO!" I growled as I walked stiffly to the bathroom.

_Oh god…I truly am a monster. All they wanted to do was help me and I yelled at them all…..I fucking yelled at them. _

_**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! **_

_**Reviews are like red bulls….there a great pick me up and if you give one to Alice…oh hell…R…U…N….**_


	7. Chapter 7

**Once again I do NOT own these charecters…they are owned by the amazing Stephenie Meyer…now on to the story!**

"I said NO!" I growled as I walked stiffly to the bathroom.

_Oh god…I truly am a monster. All they wanted to do was help me and I yelled at them all…..I fucking yelled at them. _

**Bella's POV**

_As I walked into the bathroom I turned and slammed the door…..I knew that it was childish but the last thing I wanted was to have them helping me. I locked the door and sat on the toilet, I started to think of ways to get out of this house, away from these people that I had caused all this pain for. I still couldn't believe that I had yelled at them though….god what is wrong with me. It dawned on me then that my throat was burning…how loud had I yelled? I reached up to rub my throat then and felt a sharp pain…I gasped and damn near fell off the toilet. I stood and walked over to the sink…I stared down into the sink for what seemed like an eternity….slowly I raised my eyes to the mirror that hung over the sink. Oh my god…I stumbled back as I saw the thick vicious red line across my neck, it was horribly raised and puffy, it was long as it reached from one side of my neck to the other. I was shocked to see it..how did I survive this?…..how could it have scarred over so quickly?…I reached up and grazed my fingers over it and felt another sharp pain like that of a razor being dragged over it….I gasped and bit down hard on my lip to attempt to subdue the pain….it also felt cold to my touch….much much colder then the rest of me felt. It dawned on me then what must have happened to make it this way….venom. Just then I heard a light tapping on the door….._

"What?" I answered the knocking on the door irritated.

"Bella?" Alice said quietly "Bella, are you ok in there?"

_I gripped the sides of the sink harder and stared hard at the space underneath the door….I felt my anger rising…why couldn't they leave me alone?_

"I'm fine Alice" I growled "I said I didn't want any help…now would you just leave me alone."

_I felt a sudden calm wash over me, it felt amazing, I closed my eyes gently and took a deep breath. I relished in the feeling of it, until I realized what was causing it._

"Damnit Jasper!" I squeaked out "I don't want your help either. Stop trying to make me feel better! Cant you understand that I just want to be left alone….I want to go home and be left alone!"

" So sorry Bella" I heard Jasper whisper.

_Feeling all the negative emotions rush back into me as Jasper released me, I knew what I had to do. This was not going to be pretty and I knew that it would hurt them all deeply,but I couldn't just let them care for me, it wasn't right considering. I knew I was a monster but it didn't matter now….I turned and grabbed the doorknob. I jerked the door open viciously and stood in the doorway to face them all_

"Look guys I know your worried about me but all I really want is to be left alone…." I yelled at them all the while staring at the floor "I don't want or need anything from any of you….I don't want to be calm…Jasper" I sneered at him then "I don't want or need you to try to comfort me ….Alice" Staring at her hard " I certainly don't need you Emmett making snide remarks or trying to make me laugh" I saw his face fall and turned my glare hard onto Rosalie "I sure as shit don't need you Rose, you and bitchiness, you never did like me and I don't see any reason to change that now"…

_As I cast my evil glare onto the last Cullen in the room my heart sank…I knew it would hurt him most of all….I didn't know why he would care at all but he did and I had no other choice but to do this because I had no right to be here taking advantage of his caring side…no matter how bad I really wanted and needed it…._

"And you…" I pointed at Carlisle and saw him suddenly flinch as if I had punched him "I certainly don't want ANYTHING from you" I saw his face fall then as he covered his face with his hands "I wanted to die…I didn't want to be here and live in this empty world anymore…I made the choice Carlisle…..and you…you just couldn't let me be could you..no you had to be the hero didn't you…well too little too late" I knew that was the worst thing I could have said but I had to make him hate me as he should "do me a favor next time Dr. Cullen…. Save all your heroics for someone who wants it…cause it isn't me nor will it ever be….now I WANT YOU ALL OUT! NOW!"

_I turned then and slammed the door shut again. I couldn't stand to see all their destroyed faces anymore. I knew I had no right to do what I had just done and I knew I was horrible for it but at that point I didn't care. I wanted them all to hate me. I heard the soft click of a far off door being closed and knew that I was being given my request…I was alone now….and no matter how much I knew that it was right it still hurt like hell. I bit down on my lip and went back to stand over the sink, I felt the tears start to roll heavily down my cheeks, I stared back up to the mirror and was truly disgusted of what I saw._

_**Carlisle's POV**_

_I watched in utmost horror as Bella started her rant of pain on my family. I watched all over there beautiful faces fall in pain as all her words hit home, it looked more painful then their transformations. Then as she had made all her rounds she looked at me finally._

"And you…" she pointed at me and I flinched as if she had punched a hole straight through my chest "I certainly don't want ANYTHING from you" I grabbed my face into my hands to hide the silent sobs that wracked me then "I wanted to die…I didn't want to be here and live in this empty world anymore…I made the choice Carlisle…..and you…you just couldn't let me be could you..no you had to be the hero didn't you…well too little too late" she whispered viciously to me, god it hurt I knew she thought me a monster…if only I had not paused and just ran directly behind Esme…none of this would have happened "do me a favor next time Dr. Cullen…. Save all your heroics for someone who wants it…cause it isn't me nor will it ever be….now I WANT YOU ALL OUT! NOW!" she hollered as she turned and went back into the bathroom slamming the door behind her, and slamming the heart clear out of my chest.

_Dejected we all turned slowly and did as she had requested and left the room, left her to her peace. We all walked down to the living room quietly without a word between us. I stood at the entryway to the living room for what seemed an eternity, as I watched my on the sofa. They all looked worse then death. I realized then how badly she had hurt them…it wasn't fair…they didn't do anything…it was my fault…why did she have to hurt them?…..she could hurt me all she wanted…I deserved it..they did not. I felt my anger riseing…I couldn't restrain the floods of anger that washed into me fast and furious at watching my family's destroyed faces. I'd take it all onto myself if I could. It was then that I heard the most horrid sound coming from the room we had just left….was that?…..glass shattering?….._

"Carlisle!" Jasper shouted as he sprung onto his feet spinning to stare dead at me.

_I saw him suddenly take in a deep breath and the panic that crossed his face made my heart drop._

"There's blood!" He screamed at me before suddenly bolting for and out of the door.

"Oh my god Carlisle!" Alice said.

_I looked at them then seeing the shock and horror on their faces and immediately pointed to the door that Jasper had just bolted through._

"OUT! NOW! There's blood. GO I'll call when I figure out whats going on!" I screamed at them.

_I watched as they all rose and filed out of the house and raced off. I turned and descended the stairs quickly and into my bedroom. I paused in the middle of the room, trying to figure out if she would want me to help her. It was them that I remembered all of my childrens faces after what she had just said to them. I felt my anger rising again…I quickly went to the bathroom door and knocked…_

"Bella? Bella, are you ok? What was that noise?" I asked as I jiggled the door knob…it was locked again of course.

"Just leave me alone Carlisle, I'm fine and I don't need you here, now GO!" she screamed at me from the other side of the door.

"Bella, open the door! I smell the blood and I want to see what you've done!" I yelled at her banging on the door harder and louder.

"I said I'm fine…now get lost Carlisle!" she screamed at me again.

Now I was getting furious "Yeah? And I said OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR BELLA!" I growled loudly at her.

"NO!" She hollered back.

_That was it…..I lost it…how dare she tell me no to anything….in my home….I laughed a little internally at the thought that she believed a locked door would stop me. I stepped back and kicked out and with a loud crash the door splintered from the frame and fell limply to the side…._

"Damnit Bella when I tell you to open the fucking door you had better goddamn open it!" I growled at her as I saw her jump.

_She looked utterly shocked to be looking at me. I strode over and hovered over her petite body sitting on the toilet lid. I felt my chest heaving, unnecessarily, as I stared her down. I realized I was growling at her then and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't seem to rein myself in, I was pissed at her for hurting my family, pissed for hurting herself again, pissed at her because…..because…because she had tried to deny me when I gave a very clear and direct order…an order that she didn't obey. Why did that part bother me? …..it didn't matter right now…I had nothing but time to figure it out…because right now I was really pissed and all I could see was red…_

"C…Carlisle?" she stuttered.

"Damnit Bella did you honestly think a fucking locked door would stop me?" I growled at her again. "Vampire!" I said pointing to myself. "Remember?"

"I…..I….." she stammered looking at the floor.

"Shut-up Bella you've had your say today!" I growled loudly still hovering over her. "Now its my turn!"

_I saw her shoulders hunch and she was shaking. Staring at the floor she just nodded. I knew she was crying, and she was terrified of me at this point. It reined me in just a little, but not enough to stop my rage entirely. She would listen to what I had to say and she would not deny me my right to confront her. _

"Look at me Bella." I sad softer trying to even out my voice. She just dropped her head lower and shook it. "Please?" I attempted to be kind as I reached down and took her chin in my hand, trying to raise it to look at me.

"No." she said and jerked her head away and down from my hand.

"Damnit Bella. I said fucking look at me!" I growled feeling my anger rising again. " You will not deny me in my own home girl!"

With that she snapped her head up and glared at me hard. "then I will leave "your home"." She said through her teeth as she began to raise off the toilet.

"No. You wont be going anywhere!" I growled and pushed her back down to her seat. "You will sit here and let me help you! You will listen to me now! And you will not let your eyes drop from my own!"

_Seeing the contempt still in her eyes I stepped up closer to her until I was practically standing on top of her. I growled so loud at her then that my own vision blurred from the vibration it caused. She snapped her eyes to mine then as I saw the contempt drain completely from them. I felt myself begin to be drawn into the pools of melted milk chocolate that her eyes represented._

"Now, tell me what happened." I sighed feeling my anger fading. "Why is there glass all over the floor?" I asked suddenly realizing that the floor was completely covered in tiny reflective shards.

"I…I….I ummm….I'm so sorry Carlisle. I uhhh punched the mirror." She whispered in stammer as she dropped her eyes.

I grabbed her chin again, kneeling down to her level, and forced her eyes back to mine. "I said to look at me and to keep your eyes with mine didn't I?" I found myself growling again but not anywhere near as loud as before.

"Yes, sir" she whispered.

_God what was wrong with me? I was scaring the hell out of her and that is something I never wanted to do. Thinking quickly back over the last few moments I realized that I hadn't acted as I would normally, I had cursed a lot, growled more then I had ever in my entire existence, I couldn't deny that I was shocked. But what shocked me more then any of that was the sudden urge of possessiveness that I was feeling over her. What was that all about?…._

**Sorry about the long wait! I promise to not make you all wait so long next time! I hope you can all forgive me ****L! Oh wait… I know….**

_**Pulls out her cell phone and quickly dials…**_

_**Ring….**_

_**Ring…..**_

_**Ring…...**_

"_This is Dr. Cullen."_

"Yes, Hi Carlisle."

"_Oh, Hello Annie. How are you this fine evening?"_

"Oh, I'm ok I guess. How are you?"

"_I'm good thank you. Are you sure you're ok? You sound kind of down today."_

"Well no actually I'm not really…I uhhhh… oh Carlisle I messed up big time."

"_Oh? What happened? It cant be that bad."_

"Well you know that story I'm writeing about you?"

A slight giggle _"Ah, yes I do remember you mentioning that my dear. What about it?"_

"Well I took a long time updating it and I'm worried that people will be upset."

"_Ohhh…..well I'm sure that they will be ok. They wont be too upset, just don't take so long next time."_

"Thank you Carlisle, you always know what to say to make me feel better."

"_You're quite welcome my dear, now is there anything else I can do for you?"_

"Well, yes there is actually, if you're not too busy that is."

"_I'm never too busy for you my dear."_

**Does a quick yaay man \o/**

"Well I was wondering if you could finish this chapter out for me?"

"_Oh, of course dear."_

_**Hello everyone this is Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Please forgive my dear Annie..she does not mean to keep you all waiting. I will make sure myself that she will update sooner then the last time. She asked me to request reviews and to thank all of the wonderful people who have reviewed and favorited her story thus far. Also I am personally sending out tight embraces, also known as hugs ,to you all. **_

"_Was that acceptable my dear?"_

"Yes, thank you again Carlisle."

"_You're more then welcome my dear and please do not hesitate to call me anytime you need anything."_

"Thanx I sure will."

"_Well, remember I promised to ensure a sooner update, and I do not break my promises, so I will be seeing you soon."_

**Does another yaaay man \o/**

"Ok, night night Carlisle."

"_Goodnight my dear Annie."_

**Click**


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